How to Find a Queer Therapist (And Why It Matters)
ID: Celia, a queer, inclusive trauma therapist, overlooks the Grand Canyon with hiking clothes and gear and long, dark braided hair.
Finding a good-fit therapist is f*in hard. Finding one that also happens to be queer can be even more difficult and disheartening. I can relate.
I cycled through several well-meaning, cis-het counselors in my years of therapy. Perhaps, this is why my coming out process was as slow as molasses - more on my story here. Not all of my therapy experiences with straight therapists were bad, some were incredibly healing and restorative. But when I stepped into the office of my out-and-proud, QPOC therapist 🌈✊🏽, my tense body relaxed and my anxious heart began to settle.
Therapy is largely about experiencing a felt sense of safety that allows you to access vulnerable content for the purpose of healing. Knowing your therapist has been through similar experiences can disarm those protective parts of self that brace themselves against judgment and harm. Finding a therapist that understands your identities, and the trauma you might have faced, can make the delicate process of therapy more easeful.
Here are my top ten helpful hints for finding an LGBTQ+ identified therapist:
Set your expectations. Finding a queer psychotherapist whose areas of specialty, training, and personality align with your mental health needs can take time. Plan to look for a therapist before things get dire, if possible. Give yourself several months to find the right person. If you are currently in crisis, scroll to the bottom of this blog post for resources.
Be willing to look outside of your immediate area. One of the few gifts that the pandemic has offered is a shifting perspective around connecting virtually. More mental healthcare providers than ever are offering virtual sessions and flexible scheduling. Counselors, social workers, psychologists, and psychiatrists are typically licensed to work with individuals who reside anywhere in their state. Being willing to work with a therapist in a different city may expand your options.
Know your budget and scheduling availability and weed out therapists that don’t meet your needs in these ways. It will be much more disappointing to connect with a therapist you love only to realize that it isn’t a logistical match.
Use inclusive therapy directories to get a clear picture of your potential therapist’s identities. Though Psychology Today puts thousands of therapists at your fingertips, it is confusing and unclear when it comes to understanding a clinician’s social identifiers. I recommend using these inclusive directories over PT: Inclusive Therapists, TherapyDen, National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network, Therapy for Black Girls, Asian Mental Health Collective, and Latinx Therapy.
Ask directly about your potential therapist’s identity. When reaching out to your list of possible therapists (don’t put all of your eggs in one basket, please!), explicitly state that you are looking for a queer therapist. Sometimes therapists can be weird about disclosing personal details. However, I find most recognize the depth of value that this information carries for a 2SLGBTQIA+ person.
Read therapists websites thoroughly. If there isn’t some clear sign of affirmation or inclusivity, at best they are unaware of their privilege and haven’t thought to include these safety signals. At worst, they are homophobic and harmful.
Get on a waitlist and continue your search. The pandemic has increased the demand for mental healthcare and many counselors are unavailable or have long waitlists. My wife sat on a waitlist for her ideal therapist for nearly eight months! I recommend getting on the waitlists of your top choices while seeking out alternative support. I’ll talk about what this alternative support could look like in a future blog post. You can start therapy with another available therapist while you wait - it could turn out to be your dream therapy relationship, or you have a backup if it ends up being a bust.
Take unavailable therapists’ offer to provide you recommendations for other clinicians with availability. If you love a particular therapist, chances are you might vibe with their suggested mental healthcare providers. Many therapists recommend individuals they trust or know personally.
Find an up-and-coming, partially licensed therapist and give them a chance. While their professional titles may look a little funky, some of these folx are incredibly well-trained and advanced. They are mandated to work with an advanced psychotherapist which can give them an edge in their clinical work.
Ask a friend’s awesome therapist for recommendations (or have your friend ask for you!). Chances are you won’t be able to work with them directly, due to confidentiality regulations, but they might have some excellent suggestions.
A few more things to note…
Reaching out to a therapist is vulnerable, and not getting a response can feel like a straight up rejection from the universe. If a therapist doesn’t respond...move on with haste! There are plenty of reasons why therapists don’t respond - their caseload is full, they are away on vacation, disorganized, or just a straight-up asshole. Make space to feel the disappointment and sadness a non-response might bring up. And then, persist.
Remember not all queer therapy is created equally. Queer therapists can also be racist, transphobic, ableist, fatphobic, etc. Scan their website for signs of acknowledging privilege and power and how they address that in their work.
Working with a queerio will save you time and money. You won’t have to explain how you arrived at your authentic self, be gaslit about real experiences of homophobia/transphobia, etc. You can get right to the healing work you want to do instead of taking the long road of explaining queerness to a straight therapist.
I am so hopeful for you that you will find the care you need. 💜 If this takes some time, I encourage you to get support while you wait. Psychotherapy is only one of the many ways to heal from pain and trauma. In my next post, I’ll address some of the alternative healing paths and coping strategies you can make use of. Sending you love and light as you honor your authentic self.
Disclaimer: The information shared in this blog is for educational purposes only and may not be useful for your unique situation. It is not meant to replace psychotherapy or other mental health services. Please seek professional mental healthcare around your specific needs.
If you are in crisis, please reach out for support to any of the following numbers:
Support in Austin, TX:
Integral Care Crisis Helpline 512-472-HELP (4357)
24-hr SAFEline (DV Support) 512-267-SAFE (7233)
YWCA Warmline (non-emergency support) 512-548-YWCA (9922)
National Support:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255
Trevor Lifeline (LGBTQ Crisis Support) 1-866-488-7386